Random Entries: Anxiety

Today is one of those days when I feel the itch of doing everything. I want to clean, organize, blog, cook, bake, make a chore list for the kids, sit down and go through the mounds of paper in the "drawer"... ugh! In my mind I have knocked all of these things out. In reality, I've been doing laundry since this morning and I am still not done! I have sat down and gone through a small pile of paper, the rest I stuffed back in the "drawer." I wrote out three Christmas cards and that is it. I am wired tired and have little energy. Why doesn't this register with my brain? Why is my brain tricking me into wanting to do all these things when it very well knows that my body is exhausted. I got very little sleep last night b/c of crazy baby movement and I woke up very early - earlier than usual. Instead of resting I am doing laundry, this also includes changing out everyone's bedsheets and putting fresh ones on. Not a small feat when you are 8 months pregnant! Anyway, I thought blogging about it would make me feel better, but I just feel more anxious. Oh well...

Not quite, but close enough...

I am going out of my mind having to be confined to just resting. Intellectually I know that this is the best thing for my baby and that every single day is a precious gift from God. However, emotionally I am ruined. I am guilt ridden and anxious. I feel that I am being a horrible housekeeper, mom, wife, friend, etc. The days go by and I feel that life is passing me by. I went from an active lifestyle: housewife, mom, nursing student, breastfeeding counselor, to basically sitting in my room reading and watching television. Sometimes I cheat and do some cleaning and cooking, but then I feel guilty for that, especially if I feel my body betraying me afterwards. When I don't cheat I get many things done, in my head. In my crazy mind I have cleaned the entire house, including the garage and the basement. I have organized all of my paperwork, including recipes, and to-do lists, and I have pre-made and frozen many wonderful meals. Ahhhh, I am trying to be patient. I am trying to see the better side of it. Yes, I know that I am blessed. Yes, I know God will get me through this and that He never gives us more than we can handle. Logically I know all of these things that well-wishing loved ones tell me, but it doesn't matter because emotionally it takes a toll and it sucks!