Happy Holidays?

Holidays have always been my favorite time of the year.  Growing up we always had a party to attend and something fun to do.  When we were little the "party" house rotated, but the guests remained the same, except for a few stragglers.  It was always la familia.  The women cooked up a storm, the men played dominos, and the children eargerly exchanged stories, once caught up and comfortable, crazy playtime began!  Eventually everyone would come together to eat, drink, and dance.  By the end of the night a bunch of us kids would end up sleeping on top of a mound of coats that were haphazardly thrown on the bed, until the adults finished their festivities.

As we went from children to teens we still enjoyed our time with the family.  As a matter of fact, invitations were extended to our friends and those we were dating.  As teenagers and young adults, Mami's house was the gathering place where we all enjoyed a good meal, plenty of laughs, hugs, and just a straight out good time. Our gatherings were not for the lightweight, we kept it going until the sun came up or until the neighbors' complained.  Those were the good old days, that at the time seemed like they would last forever.  Growing up was so far away that no one worried about it.

However, growing up was inevitable and adults we eventually became; life forcing us to drift apart.  Unexpected curve balls came our way.  Not knowing that jobs and circumstances would force us to live many miles apart we took our times together for granted.  In the early days we tried our best to retain our ties, but as the years have gone by, our families have joyously grown, and with each addition, life has made it more difficult for us to be together. At first its very noticeable and then not so much, the hope of next year made it cope-able. However, "next year" sometimes never came. Now the holidays are bitter sweet.  We reminisce, sometimes with a smile and a story to pass on to our children.  Sometimes silently with a tear that no one will ever see.  We are grateful  and now create new traditions with our own family, but sadly, those old traditions seem to be fading away.

Today, I am nostalgic.  Today I am sad.  I miss my parents, my brothers, my sister.  I miss asking for "la bendicion."  I miss my tios, tias, and cousins.  I miss my crazy friends who were extended siblings. I miss our loud parties, our jokes, our laughter.  I mourn the children we once were and I miss the little times we have gathered together with our now growing families.

I long to turn back time for just a few hours.  I long to smell Mami's coquito, to hear the clanking of dominos being shuffled, to laugh at a joke even if at my expense, to dance until my feet hurt, and to look around the room and see those faces that I desperately miss everyday of my life.

I realistic long to have la familia closer, for my children to have their cousins to laugh and run around the house with, and for my own little family to get a glimpse of what I had growing up.