Within the past few days my husband and I have been preparing for our new arrival.
As my birthday / Christmas present he has indulged me in redecorating our bedroom and buying our baby's big ticket items. On New Year's Eve we adorned our bed with the new bedding he got me, put together the baby cocoon (co-sleeper swing) and installed our new entertainment / dresser with the help of our wonderful neighbor, who helped carry the heavy piece upstairs and into our bedroom. Along with that, I detailed the bathroom and did most of the laundry. Tomorrow I will clean out the fridge, go food shopping, and cook some meals to freeze. Hmmm, nesting perhaps?
I now sit here and look around the beautiful room that was made possible by my husband, and I am grateful. Along with gratefulness comes the realization that this is all in preparation for a new life. Yes, I've had over nine months to digest this, but I really haven't. Seeing all of the baby stuff now makes it "real." I know I have had many realizations throughout this pregnancy, but this one is a gut sinking one. I cannot believe that in a few weeks I will be a new mother again. With this gut-sinking-realization has come this raw fear. I am scared. With my children now being more independent and us being at a different level as a family unit, I am scared of what a tiny person who will be completely dependent on me will TRULY mean. Yes, I've done it three other times and I've done it selflessly and without a thought. Those early days with my children were pure bliss - I was in love. However, it was a lot of work and strenuous on my husband and I. As much as we love each other, lack of sleep and time consumption made us bicker. I am so afraid of change. Especially now with three busy children who depend on us at a different level. I ask myself, when did I become afraid of change? Me, the spontaneous, crazy girl from the Bronx? I guess motherhood, suburbia, religion, and growth has changed me.
I know that it'll all be okay for God never gives us more than we can handle, but for right now I will indulge this fear. I will sit here, look around, and ponder "am I really about to have a baby in a few days?"
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Reusable vs Disposable Diaperss
Okay, so most of you know how conscience I am of my carbon footprint and how anal I can be about recycling and reusing. If you don't know, my husband would be more than happy to tell you how annoying I can get, especially if he accidentally throws a recyclable item in the regular trash.
So, with this in mind I have been toying with the idea of using cloth / reusable diapers. However, I am also a realist and know the limits to my patience, especially when it comes to poop and pee - oh and lack of sleep. I tried using cloth diapers with my first child and that lasted two weeks. Actually, that lasted about two days b/c in the two weeks that I tried, I cheated BIG TIME. I remember being desperate and riping into this diaper cake decoration that someone gave me at my baby shower (insert sheepish smile). I had it in the room b/c it looked cute, but at 2 AM desperation kicked in and cuteness went out the window. Also, during the "two weeks," my mom was visiting and helping me out. Not to mention I only had one baby to care for and all the time in the world. I now will have 4 kids, very little time, and no mommy to help (unless she surprises me).
Pros to using reusable diapers:
- Environmentally friendly
- They've come a long way since my fourteen year old was first born
- Some which come with liners can be composted
- Better for baby (no chemicals)
- SOME are cost effective
- Cute patterns
- I can gain some bragging rights and feel a bit superior to those "disposable-diaper-moms." Hahahaha... dang real I will! If I am cleaning poop and pee off of cloth while suffering of sleep deprivation, I will brag and will feel superior!
Cons to using reusable diapers
- Cleaning poop and pee off of cloth.
- The ones with liners are more expensive than disposable.
- I am pretty sure no one else will want to help with this kind of diaper change.
- More work.
- More work.
- Going insane and being grouchy because I am working more
- Did I mention the cleaning of poop and pee?
Pros to using disposable diapers
- So easy!
- No cleaning poop or peed diapers - just toss them out.
- No going insane.
- Hubby and kids can help change diapers.
Cons to using disposable diapers
- Horrible for the environment. By age three, baby will use over 6,000 diapers and it will take anywhere from 350 to 500 years to decompose!
- Not as healthy for baby.
- Not as cute as the cloth
- No bragging rights :(
Now with all this being weighed out, I have NO idea which way I am going. Also, my goodness, there are so many reusable diapers to choose from! I don't know where to begin or how some of them even work! I have tons of research to do.
So the question is will mommy guilt prevail or will sleep deprivation win? I think that will be the final deciding factor...
Happy Holidays?
Holidays have always been my favorite time of the year. Growing up we always had a party to attend and something fun to do. When we were little the "party" house rotated, but the guests remained the same, except for a few stragglers. It was always la familia. The women cooked up a storm, the men played dominos, and the children eargerly exchanged stories, once caught up and comfortable, crazy playtime began! Eventually everyone would come together to eat, drink, and dance. By the end of the night a bunch of us kids would end up sleeping on top of a mound of coats that were haphazardly thrown on the bed, until the adults finished their festivities.
As we went from children to teens we still enjoyed our time with the family. As a matter of fact, invitations were extended to our friends and those we were dating. As teenagers and young adults, Mami's house was the gathering place where we all enjoyed a good meal, plenty of laughs, hugs, and just a straight out good time. Our gatherings were not for the lightweight, we kept it going until the sun came up or until the neighbors' complained. Those were the good old days, that at the time seemed like they would last forever. Growing up was so far away that no one worried about it.
However, growing up was inevitable and adults we eventually became; life forcing us to drift apart. Unexpected curve balls came our way. Not knowing that jobs and circumstances would force us to live many miles apart we took our times together for granted. In the early days we tried our best to retain our ties, but as the years have gone by, our families have joyously grown, and with each addition, life has made it more difficult for us to be together. At first its very noticeable and then not so much, the hope of next year made it cope-able. However, "next year" sometimes never came. Now the holidays are bitter sweet. We reminisce, sometimes with a smile and a story to pass on to our children. Sometimes silently with a tear that no one will ever see. We are grateful and now create new traditions with our own family, but sadly, those old traditions seem to be fading away.
Today, I am nostalgic. Today I am sad. I miss my parents, my brothers, my sister. I miss asking for "la bendicion." I miss my tios, tias, and cousins. I miss my crazy friends who were extended siblings. I miss our loud parties, our jokes, our laughter. I mourn the children we once were and I miss the little times we have gathered together with our now growing families.
I long to turn back time for just a few hours. I long to smell Mami's coquito, to hear the clanking of dominos being shuffled, to laugh at a joke even if at my expense, to dance until my feet hurt, and to look around the room and see those faces that I desperately miss everyday of my life.
I realistic long to have la familia closer, for my children to have their cousins to laugh and run around the house with, and for my own little family to get a glimpse of what I had growing up.
As we went from children to teens we still enjoyed our time with the family. As a matter of fact, invitations were extended to our friends and those we were dating. As teenagers and young adults, Mami's house was the gathering place where we all enjoyed a good meal, plenty of laughs, hugs, and just a straight out good time. Our gatherings were not for the lightweight, we kept it going until the sun came up or until the neighbors' complained. Those were the good old days, that at the time seemed like they would last forever. Growing up was so far away that no one worried about it.
However, growing up was inevitable and adults we eventually became; life forcing us to drift apart. Unexpected curve balls came our way. Not knowing that jobs and circumstances would force us to live many miles apart we took our times together for granted. In the early days we tried our best to retain our ties, but as the years have gone by, our families have joyously grown, and with each addition, life has made it more difficult for us to be together. At first its very noticeable and then not so much, the hope of next year made it cope-able. However, "next year" sometimes never came. Now the holidays are bitter sweet. We reminisce, sometimes with a smile and a story to pass on to our children. Sometimes silently with a tear that no one will ever see. We are grateful and now create new traditions with our own family, but sadly, those old traditions seem to be fading away.
Today, I am nostalgic. Today I am sad. I miss my parents, my brothers, my sister. I miss asking for "la bendicion." I miss my tios, tias, and cousins. I miss my crazy friends who were extended siblings. I miss our loud parties, our jokes, our laughter. I mourn the children we once were and I miss the little times we have gathered together with our now growing families.
I long to turn back time for just a few hours. I long to smell Mami's coquito, to hear the clanking of dominos being shuffled, to laugh at a joke even if at my expense, to dance until my feet hurt, and to look around the room and see those faces that I desperately miss everyday of my life.
I realistic long to have la familia closer, for my children to have their cousins to laugh and run around the house with, and for my own little family to get a glimpse of what I had growing up.
Really? Why Now?
So, I was just starting to feel like my old self when one morning out of the blue I began to feel some mild cramping. "Braxton Hicks," I thought and dismissed the feeling. After sending the kids off to school, hubby came in from a 24 hour shift, and we were planning on a quiet day together. However, I continued to cramp, so I went to lie down. I did all the clichéd things: empty bladder, drink water, lie on left side, but nothing seem to really work. I fell asleep and by the time the kids came home from school, I felt better. I showered and my afternoon chaos began. I went over paperwork, listened to all kinds of funny stories, and started to help with homework when I felt the cramping again. I ignored it for a little while, but then they got stronger. My husband told me to lie back down and he took over. He let me relax and even cooked dinner that evening. By the time he called me to eat, the contractions were stronger and coming closer together. I decided to call my midwife, and she, of course, was on vacation :) The doctor on call told me to come in. I insisted on driving myself to the hospital thinking that it was no big deal.
No big deal turned out to be contractions which were noticeable on the TOCO monitor and no big deal was also a positive Fetal Fibronectic Test. Needless to say that they kept me for "observations." After a few hours of some very strong contractions they decided to admit me! They kept me for a total of six days and tried to force me to take all types of meds which were outrageously uncalled for and which I refused! I only consented to a round of antibiotics (in case the contractions came from an unknown infection), to Terbutaline, and Indomethacin which are used to stop contractions. These meds worked just fine after 3 days, but they thought they should run my insurance just a little extra. Boy, I had to fight my way out of that hospital. Some doctors can really be overbearing.
Since my release I've been on bedrest, that is another post of its own. Bedrest is not easy, especially for someone who is use to being active. I will write more on that later!
Disney!
We're going to Disney! Hooray!!!!
My wonderful mother-in-law surprised us last weekend. She is treating all of us to Disney!!!!
Five days and four nights at a beautiful resort! What a blessing. With me being a full time student there is no way we would have been able to do this anytime soon. We thought that Water Country USA, would be our yearly vacation, and although we were excited about that and had a great time, this is sooooooooo much better!
Thank you Nana. WE LOVE YOU! We can't wait!!!!!!
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