She's coming...

...sooner or later.

On Monday the kids were off from school, so we decided to take them to see Gulliver's Travel (save your money) and then go run some errands.  We had a big breakfast and then off we went.  After the movie we walked around the mall and picked up some needed baby items.  We walked and walked and walked.  It was a long day.  By seven my back was killing me.  Later that night I felt the first "real" contraction and thought "hmmm." By Tuesday contractions were about 30 minutes apart, but not very strong.  I knew it was the beginning...

So yesterday we had a lovely day, full of anticipation.  My husband and I were busy bees.  We washed all the baby's clothes and rewashed her bedding.  We cleaned the house, well, I started to, but he forced me to go rest and took over.  The kids were very excited.  

By four O'clock the contractions were 15 minutes apart, so I decided to call my midwife.  I spoke to her nurse who told me to go to the hospital and I insisted "absolutely not."  I know my body and knew that I still had (have) a long stretch in front of me.  I rather labor at home with no intervention except maybe some "ahem," (lol) with the comforts of my surrounding and my loved ones.  I ignored the order and ran a hot bath. I enjoyed my bath while my husband cooked.  Later on we ate dinner, I made cookie batter that my hubby baked, and after tucking the kids in we watched "It's Complicated," which was hilarious.  Oh my gosh, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin are so freaking funny.  And I love Meryl Streep, so the movie was a treat.  The contractions kept coming, but were becoming less predictable.  

After the movie we went to bed and I was actually able to sleep through the contractions, so I knew that I was right in not going to the hospital.  At 5:30 this morning the mother of all contractions woke me up and so I thought maybe I should shower and groom, just in case.  Shaving your private with a big belly in front of you is not recommended!  Very dangerous and thank goodness I didn't have to go to the hospital for another reason (insert sheepish smile).  After my shower, I dressed, and went downstairs to make my son breakfast and see him off to school.  By the time the little ones woke up I was having really strong contractions, so we decided to keep them home from school, just in case.  By coincidence I had an appointment with my midwife, so I kept that appointment and we went in to check on my progress.  

My midwife checked me and said that my cervix had changed a lot since my last visit.  She also said that I was in early labor and was 2 centimeters dilated.  TWO?!  Are you kidding.  I don't mind laboring, but dang, that was a whole lot of pain for a measly two centimeters.  Ugh... I am so happy that I didn't go to the hospital and I am so happy to be home with my wonderful husband and children.  

So, here I am relaxing until I feel it's time to squat, drink tea, eat pineapple, and mess with some pressure points. My body and my baby will dictate when she is born.  She won't be eighteen and in my uterus, right?! I'm not stressing and as I see it, she will come sooner or later...

Funny Side? Really???

Notice how the author is a MAN!

Anxiously Awaiting

Within the past few days my husband and I have been preparing for our new arrival.

As my birthday / Christmas present he has indulged me in redecorating our bedroom and buying our baby's big ticket items.  On New Year's Eve we adorned our bed with the new bedding he got me, put together the baby cocoon (co-sleeper swing) and installed our new entertainment / dresser with the help of our wonderful neighbor, who helped carry the heavy piece upstairs and into our bedroom.  Along with that, I detailed the bathroom and did most of the laundry.  Tomorrow I will clean out the fridge, go food shopping, and cook some meals to freeze. Hmmm, nesting perhaps?

I now sit here and look around the beautiful room that was made possible by my husband, and I am grateful.  Along with gratefulness comes the realization that this is all in preparation for a new life.  Yes, I've had over nine months to digest this, but I really haven't.  Seeing all of the baby stuff now makes it "real." I know I have had many realizations throughout this pregnancy, but this one is a gut sinking one. I cannot believe that in a few weeks I will be a new mother again.  With this gut-sinking-realization has come this raw fear.  I am scared.  With my children now being more independent and us being at a different level as a family unit, I am scared of what a tiny person who will be completely dependent on me will TRULY mean.  Yes, I've done it three other times and I've done it selflessly and without a thought.  Those early days with my children were pure bliss - I was in love.  However, it was a lot of work and strenuous on my husband and I.  As much as we love each other, lack of sleep and time consumption made us bicker.  I am so afraid of change.  Especially now with three busy children who depend on us at a different level.  I ask myself, when did I become afraid of change?  Me, the spontaneous, crazy girl from the Bronx?  I guess motherhood, suburbia, religion, and growth has changed me.

I know that it'll all be okay for God never gives us more than we can handle, but for right now I will indulge this fear.  I will sit here, look around, and ponder "am I really about to have a baby in a few days?" 

Ayi, I feel so restless...

Today is one of those days when I feel the itch of doing everything.  I want to clean, organize, blog, cook, bake, make a chore list for the kids, sit down and go through the mounds of paper in the "drawer"... ugh!  In my mind I have knocked all of these things out.  In reality, I've been doing laundry since this morning and I am still not done!  I have sat down and gone through a small pile of paper, the rest I stuffed back in the "drawer." I wrote out three Christmas cards and that is it.  I am wired tired and have little energy.  Why doesn't this register with my brain?  Why is my brain tricking me into wanting to do all these things when it very well knows that my body is exhausted.  I got very little sleep last night b/c of crazy baby movement and I woke up very early - earlier than usual.  Instead of resting I am doing laundry, this also includes changing out everyone's bedsheets and putting fresh ones on.  Not a small feat when you are 8 months pregnant! Anyway, I thought blogging about it would make me feel better, but I just feel more anxious.  Oh well...

Hospital Bag

Okay, I have a few items, so I feel a bit accomplished.
So far I have:

• two granny panties
• two nursing bras
• one nursing tank
• toothbrush
• toothpaste

Somersaults

My goodness, this baby girl wins the award of "crazy baby in my tummy!"  All of my children had healthy fetal movement, but this is ridiculous.  When she was smaller the nurses would laugh because they couldn't get a good fetal heart reading due to all of her crazy movement.  However, they would say, "once she runs out of space, she'll calm down."  Yeah right!  Running out of space means that I feel it more and that her movement is sometimes painful.  She does this odd thing, well, odd to me; she moves a complete clockwise rotation.   Yes, she makes full rotations!  It's crazy.  I feel like my insides are being rung.  Also, she loves to kick downward.  You know, toward my bladder!  Anyone who's ever had a baby knows that once you hit your third trimester you feel, well, BIG!  No matter how small your tummy, you feel huge.  I say this because everyone comments on "how tiny" I am.  However, I feel like a whale who washed up on a beach somewhere.  Anyway, I got off track.  My point is that I am very uncomfortable and it takes me forever to fall asleep because of this.  And you know what sucks?  What really sucks is FINALLY finding a comfortable position and FINALLY falling asleep, WHEN, kick, punch, kick!  All of sudden your crazy baby starts to do somersaults in your uterus.    Man, oh man, if this is any indication of her personality, I am skeered!

Wow, another good day!

I woke up feeling great again.  More energy, no pressure, no contractions... This is a true blessing.  I am so grateful.  I was able to make a big healthy breakfast for my family and I have been making batches of homemade pancakes for  a later time (storing and freezing).

I am starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe,  I am recovering from whatever caused the pre-term labor?

Hmmm?  Trying not to get to excited, but it's hard not to when you've been cooped up in your room for weeks, missing out on family fun, household work & duties, and normalcy.

I will not take advantage though.  I will take it slowly.  I would hate to push it and have a relapse.  After this I will clean up, have a healthy snack, and go relax for a while.

Wired Tired

I am so deliriously tired / sleepy, but I cannot sleep!  This is what I have coined, "wired tired." I can't  sleep for so many reasons:  my back aches, my belly is cumbersome, I can't find a comfortable position, and my mind will not shut up!  I can't stop thinking of the many things that I need to get done, but can't.  Ugh.  Also, my little boy has been under the weather, so when I am FINALLY falling into sweet, sweet sleep I am awaken by a not-so-well-cranky-little-boy.  It's not his fault  and I could never be angry, so I have to of course comfort him and take care of him.  Bedrest doesn't matter when life calls.  I am hoping that writing these thoughts down will relieve some of the clutter in my mind and will help me finally get some Zzzzzzzz.

Well, I guess I will try and relax now and if worst comes to worst, I can always count sheep...

Bedrest Sucks!

Not quite, but close enough...

I am going out of my mind having to be confined to just resting.  Intellectually I know that this is the best thing for my baby and that every single day is a precious gift from God.  However, emotionally I am ruined.  I am guilt ridden and anxious.  I feel that I am being a horrible housekeeper, mom, wife, friend, etc.  The days go by and I feel that life is passing me by.  I went from an active lifestyle: housewife, mom, nursing student, breastfeeding counselor, to basically sitting in my room reading and watching television.  Sometimes I cheat and do some cleaning and cooking, but then I feel guilty for that, especially if I feel my body betraying me afterwards.  When I don't cheat I get many things done, in my head.  In my crazy mind I have cleaned the entire house, including the garage and the basement.  I have organized all of my paperwork, including recipes, and to-do lists, and I have pre-made and frozen many wonderful meals.  Ahhhh, I am trying to be patient.  I am trying to see the better side of it.  Yes, I know that I am blessed.  Yes, I know God will get me through this and that He never gives us more than we can handle.  Logically I know all of these things that well-wishing loved ones tell me, but it doesn't matter because emotionally it takes a toll and it sucks!

Clarification :)

I've had a few dear people get on me about not adhering completely to doctor's orders.  Those of you who really know me, know that I do my research and weight my options carefully before jumping into any decisions, especially those that involve medical intervention.  I have a skeptical background because I have seen first hand how devastating it could be to put your complete trust in the mainstream medical community only to have it crushed.   I am by no means anti-medicine, how could I be and still be pursuing an education in nursing? I think many doctors, nurses, and those who work in medicine are amazing.  I think most want to help and do what is right for their patients.  However, I also feel that not all are educated in alternative methods and I strongly feel that our country's medical care is deeply entwined with politics and money, thus the booming pharmaceutical companies and the drug pushing.

If I refused any care in regards to me or my pregnancy it's because I read the journals and/or inserts that come with the medicines and felt that the cons outweighed the pros or that it was not a necessary treatment in my case.

I thank you all for your concern and appreciate the prayers - keep them coming please :)  Know that I would never do anything to harm myself or my baby.  When I choose to do something or I choose not to, it is with great reason, care, and clarity.  God bless...

Really? Why Now?

Why do things have to change?  I like routine, makes me feel safe and comfortable.  I was just fine having uneventful and magical pregnancies.  Why does this pregnancy have to be any different?  Why is there always a trouble maker in the group :)

So, I was just starting to feel like my old self when one morning out of the blue I began to feel some mild cramping.  "Braxton Hicks," I thought and dismissed the feeling.  After sending the kids off to school, hubby came in from a 24 hour shift, and we were planning on a quiet day together.  However, I continued to cramp, so I went to lie down.  I did all the clichéd things: empty bladder, drink water, lie on left side, but nothing seem to really work.  I fell asleep and by the time the kids came home from school, I felt better.  I showered and my afternoon chaos began.  I went over paperwork, listened to all kinds of funny stories, and started to help with homework when I felt the cramping again.  I ignored it for a little while, but then they got stronger.  My husband told me to lie back down and he took over. He let me relax and even cooked dinner that evening.  By the time he called me to eat, the contractions were stronger and coming closer together.  I decided to call my midwife, and she, of course, was on vacation :)  The doctor on call told me to come in.  I insisted on driving myself to the hospital thinking that it was no big deal.

No big deal turned out to be contractions which were noticeable on the TOCO monitor and no big deal was also a positive Fetal Fibronectic Test.  Needless to say that they kept me for "observations."  After a few hours of some very strong contractions they decided to admit me!  They kept me for a total of six days and tried to force me to take all types of meds which were outrageously uncalled for and which I refused!  I only consented to a round of antibiotics (in case the contractions came from an unknown infection), to Terbutaline, and Indomethacin which are used to stop contractions.  These meds worked just fine after 3 days, but they thought they should run my insurance just a little extra.  Boy, I had to fight my way out of that hospital.  Some doctors can really be overbearing.

Since my release I've been on bedrest, that is another post of its own.  Bedrest is not easy, especially for someone who is use to being active.  I will write more on that later!

Finally!

Oh man!  It's about time.  I am so happy that I can finally post about being pregnant! I've been dying to post about our little blessing since late Spring, but I had to wait until we told all of our friends and family members; we didn't want them to just read about it on this blog.

We are anxiously awaiting baby number four!!!!  We are all super excited and cannot wait to meet our sweet baby GIRL!!!!  We are beyond ecstatic to welcome another daughter.  We would have felt blessed either way, but our daughter has wanted a sister for so long that we are thrilled for her.

Let me start by saying that this pregnancy has been VERY DIFFERENT from my other three.  First off, I experienced morning sickness 24/7 for the first 3 months.  This was something new.  With my other three I would get nauseous every now and then when I brushed my teeth, cleaned my tongue, or smelled certain things.  However, it never lasted long and I NEVER threw up.  Around the clock nausea was new and very debilitating.  It was out of control and I lost weight.  I already have a slim frame (aside from the obvious Latin curves...lol), but this weight lost took me from slim to skinny.  I had to be treated for dehydration a few times and it took a while for my electrolytes to get back to normal.

Once my second trimester kicked in I felt like a new woman, actually like my old self.  My energy was back, the house got detailed, the laundry done, baking resumed, it was great!  Then one day out of the blue I begin to contract...  I will save that drama for a later post :)