Bedrest Sucks!

Not quite, but close enough...

I am going out of my mind having to be confined to just resting.  Intellectually I know that this is the best thing for my baby and that every single day is a precious gift from God.  However, emotionally I am ruined.  I am guilt ridden and anxious.  I feel that I am being a horrible housekeeper, mom, wife, friend, etc.  The days go by and I feel that life is passing me by.  I went from an active lifestyle: housewife, mom, nursing student, breastfeeding counselor, to basically sitting in my room reading and watching television.  Sometimes I cheat and do some cleaning and cooking, but then I feel guilty for that, especially if I feel my body betraying me afterwards.  When I don't cheat I get many things done, in my head.  In my crazy mind I have cleaned the entire house, including the garage and the basement.  I have organized all of my paperwork, including recipes, and to-do lists, and I have pre-made and frozen many wonderful meals.  Ahhhh, I am trying to be patient.  I am trying to see the better side of it.  Yes, I know that I am blessed.  Yes, I know God will get me through this and that He never gives us more than we can handle.  Logically I know all of these things that well-wishing loved ones tell me, but it doesn't matter because emotionally it takes a toll and it sucks!

Clarification :)

I've had a few dear people get on me about not adhering completely to doctor's orders.  Those of you who really know me, know that I do my research and weight my options carefully before jumping into any decisions, especially those that involve medical intervention.  I have a skeptical background because I have seen first hand how devastating it could be to put your complete trust in the mainstream medical community only to have it crushed.   I am by no means anti-medicine, how could I be and still be pursuing an education in nursing? I think many doctors, nurses, and those who work in medicine are amazing.  I think most want to help and do what is right for their patients.  However, I also feel that not all are educated in alternative methods and I strongly feel that our country's medical care is deeply entwined with politics and money, thus the booming pharmaceutical companies and the drug pushing.

If I refused any care in regards to me or my pregnancy it's because I read the journals and/or inserts that come with the medicines and felt that the cons outweighed the pros or that it was not a necessary treatment in my case.

I thank you all for your concern and appreciate the prayers - keep them coming please :)  Know that I would never do anything to harm myself or my baby.  When I choose to do something or I choose not to, it is with great reason, care, and clarity.  God bless...

Really? Why Now?

Why do things have to change?  I like routine, makes me feel safe and comfortable.  I was just fine having uneventful and magical pregnancies.  Why does this pregnancy have to be any different?  Why is there always a trouble maker in the group :)

So, I was just starting to feel like my old self when one morning out of the blue I began to feel some mild cramping.  "Braxton Hicks," I thought and dismissed the feeling.  After sending the kids off to school, hubby came in from a 24 hour shift, and we were planning on a quiet day together.  However, I continued to cramp, so I went to lie down.  I did all the clichéd things: empty bladder, drink water, lie on left side, but nothing seem to really work.  I fell asleep and by the time the kids came home from school, I felt better.  I showered and my afternoon chaos began.  I went over paperwork, listened to all kinds of funny stories, and started to help with homework when I felt the cramping again.  I ignored it for a little while, but then they got stronger.  My husband told me to lie back down and he took over. He let me relax and even cooked dinner that evening.  By the time he called me to eat, the contractions were stronger and coming closer together.  I decided to call my midwife, and she, of course, was on vacation :)  The doctor on call told me to come in.  I insisted on driving myself to the hospital thinking that it was no big deal.

No big deal turned out to be contractions which were noticeable on the TOCO monitor and no big deal was also a positive Fetal Fibronectic Test.  Needless to say that they kept me for "observations."  After a few hours of some very strong contractions they decided to admit me!  They kept me for a total of six days and tried to force me to take all types of meds which were outrageously uncalled for and which I refused!  I only consented to a round of antibiotics (in case the contractions came from an unknown infection), to Terbutaline, and Indomethacin which are used to stop contractions.  These meds worked just fine after 3 days, but they thought they should run my insurance just a little extra.  Boy, I had to fight my way out of that hospital.  Some doctors can really be overbearing.

Since my release I've been on bedrest, that is another post of its own.  Bedrest is not easy, especially for someone who is use to being active.  I will write more on that later!